emotions suck

Up until about 1 year ago, I never cried. My mom would make me watch movies like "the Notebook", and sad films trying to get me to cry. My friends would go to extremes trying to get me to shead just one tear. When I'd usually just end up laughing at their failed attempts, they decided to give me the nickname of "heartless".

This kinda bothered me, so I tried to cry. I litterally tried to make myself cry at night before I went to sleep. Have you ever seen the movie, "the Holiday"? Well, in it, there is a girl that couldn't cry, and she tried to force her tears. Most people I have seen that with thought it was completely rediculous. But I could relate. I tried to make myself cry multiple times, and failed often.

Then at some point, I broke down. Competely. I used to wish that I could cry, and now I do it ALL THE TIME. Where did this come from?!? Once I even cried just watching an American Idol performance of the song "Colors of the wind"....yes, a disney princess song. What. The. Heck. I cry saying hello to old friends, and cry even more with goodbye's. I cry at good books, when I sing, when I pray and I cry when I laugh. Just a couple of weeks ago, I seriously broke down and started crying (happy tears) because I FINALLY got to eat gooseberry pie once again. I just sat there, at  a church dinner, with many people around me, stared at that beautiful piece of pie...and cried. Real tears as the rest of my table just laughed and laughed. And I did too. I don't know where it has come from, but I guess I got my wish. I can now cry. Apparently, buckets.