9 days

Nine days to go until I leave on the greatest adventure of my life thus far. My one plan for this next year, is to get onto that plane on January 4th at the STL Lambert Airport. From there, I will fly to Chicago, Hong Kong then to my final destination of Perth, Western Australia. From there, I will be joining YWAM for the next six months of my life. I will be in Perth for the first three months doing a lecture phase, then the next three on outreach to London and other places of which I do not know yet.

I have wanted to go on my own YWAM DTS for a long time now. I can just hardly believe it's finally here. Only 9 days!! WHAT?!? I can't believe that next week I'll be in Aussie land..that just doesn't even seem possible.

There is so much to do before then, however. I have a LOT of laundry to do, and a LOT of packing. My room is a complete disaster at the moment, lots of craziness. Lots of people to see, lots of time I want to spend with my partents and close friends. Where do I begin? AHH! So. Much.

Besides feeling slightly overwhelmed, I'm doing good. It just doesn't seem real that I'm leaving for sure so soon. I still feel like I have a couple of months to go. It's still a great treasure, however. I'm not even sure exactly how to explain it. My mind is just a blank. A good blank. A happy vision of white with fadings ins and outs on the present and the future.

Oh the future...something else I can hardly even begin to think about. People ask me what I'm doing for the next few years of my life, and I draw a blank. I laugh, shrug my shoulders, and say "Well, I have absolutely NO idea!" Then I continue to giggle a little laugh as I realize exactly how true that is. I litterally have no plans! Both very exciting, just knowing that whatever comes, it will be like a mini surprise party from God. On the other hand, it's a little scary. As other people always have these big plans and such, and then there's me....having no idea...just looking a things as a great adenture.

Life is an adventure. Take hold and join the ride.

emotions suck

Up until about 1 year ago, I never cried. My mom would make me watch movies like "the Notebook", and sad films trying to get me to cry. My friends would go to extremes trying to get me to shead just one tear. When I'd usually just end up laughing at their failed attempts, they decided to give me the nickname of "heartless".

This kinda bothered me, so I tried to cry. I litterally tried to make myself cry at night before I went to sleep. Have you ever seen the movie, "the Holiday"? Well, in it, there is a girl that couldn't cry, and she tried to force her tears. Most people I have seen that with thought it was completely rediculous. But I could relate. I tried to make myself cry multiple times, and failed often.

Then at some point, I broke down. Competely. I used to wish that I could cry, and now I do it ALL THE TIME. Where did this come from?!? Once I even cried just watching an American Idol performance of the song "Colors of the wind"....yes, a disney princess song. What. The. Heck. I cry saying hello to old friends, and cry even more with goodbye's. I cry at good books, when I sing, when I pray and I cry when I laugh. Just a couple of weeks ago, I seriously broke down and started crying (happy tears) because I FINALLY got to eat gooseberry pie once again. I just sat there, at  a church dinner, with many people around me, stared at that beautiful piece of pie...and cried. Real tears as the rest of my table just laughed and laughed. And I did too. I don't know where it has come from, but I guess I got my wish. I can now cry. Apparently, buckets.

talking about Jesus

I talk about my friends a lot. When I'm a few feet away from them, and even more when there are miles that separate us. Especially my best friends Mike and Katie. They come up in conversations all the time. Every one that is around me for more than a day will recognize and know their names. People that have never even met them will ask me how they're doing because they feel like they know them from my stories. I love them so much, and I love to keep them in my life as I keep them in my conversations. They come up randomly as someone will say something that will remind me of them, or I want to tell them a story of some crazy thing we did back in the day. Basically, I talk about them all the time.

What hit me last night was that I don't talk about Jesus like that. Not really. He isn't the first one that comes to mind when someone wants me to tell them a story, I don't bring Him up in almost every conversation. I sometimes don't miss being with Him like I do with my best friends. But He wants to be my best friend.
I want Him to be my best friend. I want Him to come up in all of my conversations. When I meet new people, when I talk to my friends and family, I want Jesus to come up in conversation even more than Mike and Katie do. I've done a bad job of just making Mike and Katie known, when I'm called to make Jesus my best friend, and to make Him known first.

Warm, cozy and fuzzy feelings

I woke up this morning and rolled over looking out my window as usual. I saw snow. What a beautiful gift snow is. Such a wonderful thing. It makes me want to sit by a fire with all of my best friends singing and telling Christmas stories while drinking coffee.

I miss my friends. It's funny how when you're away from your friends, you realize all the more how wonderful they are. How great of a gift each one is. My closest friends I met at Greenville College Freshman year. I cannot explain how much I miss these brothers and sisters of mine that I have gained. It's crazy to look at each of our lives now and see how spread apart we all are, but still there is that magnetic love for eachother that keeps us in touch. What a beautiful thing.

My friend, Shaina is a teacher now in New Jersey. Ali is attending SIUE in Collinsville, IL. Melissa is taking her semeser off school and spending it in her hometown of Alton, IL. Trina is singing and working with all of her heart at Greenville College. Courtney and Amanda are studying with all their might as they are living together in Tenney at Greenville. Mike is writing music to inspire in the practice rooms of Whitlock at the same college. Katie is in Rolla, MO making sandwiches and ministring to those around her. And then there is my new friend, Abby who is a hair dresser in Jefferson City, MO.

They each have such unique, specific roles in my life. Each are so important in their own ways. I love them so much. All but Shaina I'm going to see this weekend. I am so excited. Just to be with them will be the greatest. Just the fact that they are so beautiful, so valuable, and God single handedly chose to put them in my life. To put the girls on my floor on 3rd Burritt East. To place Mike in a seat right beside Katie and I during our Interterm class, and making us group partners on a project. To have Abby and I attend the same bonfire one night with our young adults group-one I came verrry close to skipping out on.

Each are so valuable. Each are so important to me. I have never had such a love for people as these listed here. I have never had girls feel so much like sisters. I have never had such a great guy friend that feels like just as much a brother as my biological brother. I'm so thankful for each of them.

I love how in the body of Christ, He is the head, and we are the limbs. You can't live without a head, and the limbs you can, but it makes things more difficult. The rest of the body can deal with it, but it still suffers. This made me think of my mini body of Christ. The body I know and am closest to. My friends are apart of my little body of Christ. They are my brothers and sisters through Christ's blood. They are not only by best friends, they are also apart of my spiritual family through His blood. I'm so glad that all of my friends are so in love with the same Jesus as I am making this possible for us to be apart of the same family, and to be joint heirs together of Jesus.

Greatest of all, I can't wait to get to heaven. To be singing praises to God, then to look over, and see my best friends singing along with me and all of our brothers and sisters. How great that will be! But for now, we aren't in a place where we can always be together. And we suffer. We have withdrawels. We miss eachother greatly and have a small hole where this specific person took care of a certain place in my life. My mini body of Christ misses his/her absence. They aren't needed because He is the head. He is my eyes, my source of hearing, my mouth, my knowledge. They are simple tools to help me do His work. When they're not here, it makes it harder. I have to work extra hard to get things done, but I can still do it. How awesome it is when God gives us these people back, to help us. To help us minister. To be His hands and feet. To help eachother overcome the things of this world and to be His light in this temprary home.

I love the body of Christ. And I'm so looking forward to see all of my brothers and sisters this weekend at Greenville College that are apart of the same body, the same spiritual family as I.

I am blessed.

A Favorite

PSALM 103

Bless the LORD, O my soul
Of David.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me
bless His holy Name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and foreget not all His benifits,
who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with
steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you wtih good so that your youth is renewed
like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are
oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the people
of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove
our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion on his children, so the LORD
shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame; He remembers we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower
in the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and it's place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.
The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you His angels,
you mighty ones who do His word,
obeying the voice of His word!
Blesst he LORD, all His hosts,
His ministers, who do His will!
Bless the LORD, all His works,
in all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Seasoning the Seasons

So, the time has finally come. It's Christmas time. The "Big day is only 27 days away. Ca-Razy! I can hardly believe it. The sad thing is, that I listened to so much Christmas music the past several months, that I'm kinda sick of Christmas music now that it's actually time to. Hahaha..happens every year.

Continuing with the countdowns, there are only 36 days until I fly away to the great city of Perth in Western Australia. It's so weird to know that the day is coming so soon. As I'm slightly getting to know some of the people who are about to embark on this grand adventure with me, I'm getting both so excited and scared out of my wits. It's the strangest feeling. Just knowing I'm leaving everyone and everything I've ever known for six whole months. Both terrifying and extremely exciting.

I have no idea what this new year will bring. I only have one plan. To get on that plane at the STL airport on January 4, 2012. What an adventure. I love not knowing what's going to happen in my life. I literally have no idea! Hahaha...I've met so many people within the last couple of years that are just totally opposites of me. They hate not knowing, not having a plan. It freaks them out. So much in fact, that they rush into new plans as fast as they possibly can just so they have one "secure thing" to leap onto. I seriously don't understand that at all. When you don't know what's coming, you don't have to worry about it because you don't even know what's coming and you get to be surprised! Why wouldn't you want to be surprised?!?

I just got done reading a book that spoke of Beniah's story. Beniah shows up only a few times in the Bible. He was king David's body guard and got promoted to be the Chief of command during king Solomon's rule. Before he had these great privileges however, he has this now famous story of killing a lion....in a pit...on a snowy day. Do you think Beniah expected this to happen? Umm..my guess is no. Do you think it changed his life forever? I assume so.

You know how when you're getting to know people for the first time, and someone asks everyone to say something about yourself that not many people know? Can you imagine his response? "Well, I mean, I killed a lion one time. In a pit. Oh, and it was snowing too." Or when he went to apply for his job for king David...I bet no one else's resume had quite the exciting ending as Beniah's. My point is, life is great. God can use these crazy fiasco's and "Divine appointments" and completely unexpected opportunities in your life to spice it up a little bit. To change your life forever. We just have to cease the opportunity. Accept the surprise party, even if it's disguised as a huge hairy, toothy beast. Defeat it. Accept it, and see what happens next.

If there is one thing I've learned since graduating High School nearly three years ago, it's that some of the greatest moments and choices in life are unexpected. Freshman year, spring break, I didn't expect to go to IHOP in KC with my old youth group, but I did. And it really did change me and my perspective on life and my relationship with God.

I didn't expect to change my major 5 or more times in three semesters. I didn't expect to hate my ministry classes, I didn't expect to be placed on a Vespers worship team. Most of all though, I didn't expect that I would drop out of college. Even though dropping out of college doesn't sound as terrifying as chasing a lion, it was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. And you know what? Yes it was scary, Yes it was hard, but it was also one of my greatest decisions I've made. To take that leap of faith, to leave what I knew and to step out into the unknown. To dare to let God take control of my life, and do whatever He wanted. Cuz everyone knew I had no clue. And you know what? That was relief! Not knowing was one of the greatest gifts ever.

I think we're called to live a little bit out on the edge. I believe we're all called to be lion chasers. To challenge that status quo. To do something a little crazy. It's just our job to be open to these chances, to recognize them, and to chase them. To let God in and help us do it.

"Lion chasers challenge the status quo. They climb cliffs, move to foreign countries, and build boats in the desert. Lion chasers are often considered crazy, but they are able to do things because they aren't afraid of uncertainty. They don't need to know what's coming next because they know God knows. They don't need explanations for every disappointment because they know God has a plan. Lion chasers refuse to settle down because they want to experience every Divine twist and turn that God has in store for them." -Mark Batterson

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I piled my plate with food, and joined in with all the rest of my American family in a day of pigging out and giving thanks to God for all of His blessings. What a wonderful tradition!

Yesterday, I woke to the sun shining through my window, and the most tasty smells slipping in my nose. What a great way to wake up! I went down stairs to see how things were going with the folks, helped them out a bit and then went to read in my room. Needless to say, I'm kinda becoming a bookworm...so weird.

After piles of family members started to pour in, I made my way down stairs to greet them and wish them the best of Thanksgivings as we all sat around our table to eat. Of course, I'm still at the "kids" table with my cousins, at our mini table that we have most definitely outgrown. After filling our bellies to the brim, naturaly, we went out side to shoot clay. Yes, most families play football....but, we shoot guns. Typical Missouri behavior. Shooting went well I suppose. I haven't even shot a gun in years, but still managed to tear apart those flung clay targets. Even though I only hit about 3...out of 20. HA! My dad did about the same though, and my cousin didn't hit a one. If there was one thing about this little "shoot out" we had told me, it's that I've turned into more of a city girl. What. the. heck. I caught myself not knowing how to load a gun, or how to even shoot it. I could feel my dad's embarrasment radiating off him like the heat from the sun as I forgot how to even turn Off the saftey button. whoops. haha.

Soon enough, after embarassing myself as normal, my family hit the road and we said our goodbyes. I fell into a doze for a couple hours, and awoke to hearing guitars in the distance. I can't hear a guitar and not want to grab my own, so I went up to my room, grabed my lovely Martin, jammed a lil and changed my strings. What beauty it is to have new strings on a guitar. It's like a new voice. Love it. After playing ever so softly as my family drifted to sleep, I talked to my best friend on the phone and soon after joined my family in the wonderful sway of falling into a deep sleep.

I have much to be thankful for. So many increible family members, friends, a house, good health, a full belly, a car, upon many, Many other things. There are too many things to count to be thankful for. I am spoiled beyond imagine. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am here in Missouri. I get so wrapped up in the future: YWAM. Australia. And even though getting so excited to go have this experience is great, I forget to take a step back and enjoy the time I have while I'm here. So for the next 44 days, I want to bask in the glorious riches that the MidWest has to offer. I will sink into the love of my family and friends once more, enjoy time of living with my family, visiting friends, encouraging others, leading worship and letting God take control of my life and prepare my heart for what's to come.

Life is good.