9 days

Nine days to go until I leave on the greatest adventure of my life thus far. My one plan for this next year, is to get onto that plane on January 4th at the STL Lambert Airport. From there, I will fly to Chicago, Hong Kong then to my final destination of Perth, Western Australia. From there, I will be joining YWAM for the next six months of my life. I will be in Perth for the first three months doing a lecture phase, then the next three on outreach to London and other places of which I do not know yet.

I have wanted to go on my own YWAM DTS for a long time now. I can just hardly believe it's finally here. Only 9 days!! WHAT?!? I can't believe that next week I'll be in Aussie land..that just doesn't even seem possible.

There is so much to do before then, however. I have a LOT of laundry to do, and a LOT of packing. My room is a complete disaster at the moment, lots of craziness. Lots of people to see, lots of time I want to spend with my partents and close friends. Where do I begin? AHH! So. Much.

Besides feeling slightly overwhelmed, I'm doing good. It just doesn't seem real that I'm leaving for sure so soon. I still feel like I have a couple of months to go. It's still a great treasure, however. I'm not even sure exactly how to explain it. My mind is just a blank. A good blank. A happy vision of white with fadings ins and outs on the present and the future.

Oh the future...something else I can hardly even begin to think about. People ask me what I'm doing for the next few years of my life, and I draw a blank. I laugh, shrug my shoulders, and say "Well, I have absolutely NO idea!" Then I continue to giggle a little laugh as I realize exactly how true that is. I litterally have no plans! Both very exciting, just knowing that whatever comes, it will be like a mini surprise party from God. On the other hand, it's a little scary. As other people always have these big plans and such, and then there's me....having no idea...just looking a things as a great adenture.

Life is an adventure. Take hold and join the ride.

emotions suck

Up until about 1 year ago, I never cried. My mom would make me watch movies like "the Notebook", and sad films trying to get me to cry. My friends would go to extremes trying to get me to shead just one tear. When I'd usually just end up laughing at their failed attempts, they decided to give me the nickname of "heartless".

This kinda bothered me, so I tried to cry. I litterally tried to make myself cry at night before I went to sleep. Have you ever seen the movie, "the Holiday"? Well, in it, there is a girl that couldn't cry, and she tried to force her tears. Most people I have seen that with thought it was completely rediculous. But I could relate. I tried to make myself cry multiple times, and failed often.

Then at some point, I broke down. Competely. I used to wish that I could cry, and now I do it ALL THE TIME. Where did this come from?!? Once I even cried just watching an American Idol performance of the song "Colors of the wind"....yes, a disney princess song. What. The. Heck. I cry saying hello to old friends, and cry even more with goodbye's. I cry at good books, when I sing, when I pray and I cry when I laugh. Just a couple of weeks ago, I seriously broke down and started crying (happy tears) because I FINALLY got to eat gooseberry pie once again. I just sat there, at  a church dinner, with many people around me, stared at that beautiful piece of pie...and cried. Real tears as the rest of my table just laughed and laughed. And I did too. I don't know where it has come from, but I guess I got my wish. I can now cry. Apparently, buckets.

talking about Jesus

I talk about my friends a lot. When I'm a few feet away from them, and even more when there are miles that separate us. Especially my best friends Mike and Katie. They come up in conversations all the time. Every one that is around me for more than a day will recognize and know their names. People that have never even met them will ask me how they're doing because they feel like they know them from my stories. I love them so much, and I love to keep them in my life as I keep them in my conversations. They come up randomly as someone will say something that will remind me of them, or I want to tell them a story of some crazy thing we did back in the day. Basically, I talk about them all the time.

What hit me last night was that I don't talk about Jesus like that. Not really. He isn't the first one that comes to mind when someone wants me to tell them a story, I don't bring Him up in almost every conversation. I sometimes don't miss being with Him like I do with my best friends. But He wants to be my best friend.
I want Him to be my best friend. I want Him to come up in all of my conversations. When I meet new people, when I talk to my friends and family, I want Jesus to come up in conversation even more than Mike and Katie do. I've done a bad job of just making Mike and Katie known, when I'm called to make Jesus my best friend, and to make Him known first.

Warm, cozy and fuzzy feelings

I woke up this morning and rolled over looking out my window as usual. I saw snow. What a beautiful gift snow is. Such a wonderful thing. It makes me want to sit by a fire with all of my best friends singing and telling Christmas stories while drinking coffee.

I miss my friends. It's funny how when you're away from your friends, you realize all the more how wonderful they are. How great of a gift each one is. My closest friends I met at Greenville College Freshman year. I cannot explain how much I miss these brothers and sisters of mine that I have gained. It's crazy to look at each of our lives now and see how spread apart we all are, but still there is that magnetic love for eachother that keeps us in touch. What a beautiful thing.

My friend, Shaina is a teacher now in New Jersey. Ali is attending SIUE in Collinsville, IL. Melissa is taking her semeser off school and spending it in her hometown of Alton, IL. Trina is singing and working with all of her heart at Greenville College. Courtney and Amanda are studying with all their might as they are living together in Tenney at Greenville. Mike is writing music to inspire in the practice rooms of Whitlock at the same college. Katie is in Rolla, MO making sandwiches and ministring to those around her. And then there is my new friend, Abby who is a hair dresser in Jefferson City, MO.

They each have such unique, specific roles in my life. Each are so important in their own ways. I love them so much. All but Shaina I'm going to see this weekend. I am so excited. Just to be with them will be the greatest. Just the fact that they are so beautiful, so valuable, and God single handedly chose to put them in my life. To put the girls on my floor on 3rd Burritt East. To place Mike in a seat right beside Katie and I during our Interterm class, and making us group partners on a project. To have Abby and I attend the same bonfire one night with our young adults group-one I came verrry close to skipping out on.

Each are so valuable. Each are so important to me. I have never had such a love for people as these listed here. I have never had girls feel so much like sisters. I have never had such a great guy friend that feels like just as much a brother as my biological brother. I'm so thankful for each of them.

I love how in the body of Christ, He is the head, and we are the limbs. You can't live without a head, and the limbs you can, but it makes things more difficult. The rest of the body can deal with it, but it still suffers. This made me think of my mini body of Christ. The body I know and am closest to. My friends are apart of my little body of Christ. They are my brothers and sisters through Christ's blood. They are not only by best friends, they are also apart of my spiritual family through His blood. I'm so glad that all of my friends are so in love with the same Jesus as I am making this possible for us to be apart of the same family, and to be joint heirs together of Jesus.

Greatest of all, I can't wait to get to heaven. To be singing praises to God, then to look over, and see my best friends singing along with me and all of our brothers and sisters. How great that will be! But for now, we aren't in a place where we can always be together. And we suffer. We have withdrawels. We miss eachother greatly and have a small hole where this specific person took care of a certain place in my life. My mini body of Christ misses his/her absence. They aren't needed because He is the head. He is my eyes, my source of hearing, my mouth, my knowledge. They are simple tools to help me do His work. When they're not here, it makes it harder. I have to work extra hard to get things done, but I can still do it. How awesome it is when God gives us these people back, to help us. To help us minister. To be His hands and feet. To help eachother overcome the things of this world and to be His light in this temprary home.

I love the body of Christ. And I'm so looking forward to see all of my brothers and sisters this weekend at Greenville College that are apart of the same body, the same spiritual family as I.

I am blessed.

A Favorite

PSALM 103

Bless the LORD, O my soul
Of David.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me
bless His holy Name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and foreget not all His benifits,
who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with
steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you wtih good so that your youth is renewed
like the eagle's.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are
oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the people
of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove
our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion on his children, so the LORD
shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame; He remembers we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower
in the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and it's place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting
on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children,
to those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments.
The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you His angels,
you mighty ones who do His word,
obeying the voice of His word!
Blesst he LORD, all His hosts,
His ministers, who do His will!
Bless the LORD, all His works,
in all places of His dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Seasoning the Seasons

So, the time has finally come. It's Christmas time. The "Big day is only 27 days away. Ca-Razy! I can hardly believe it. The sad thing is, that I listened to so much Christmas music the past several months, that I'm kinda sick of Christmas music now that it's actually time to. Hahaha..happens every year.

Continuing with the countdowns, there are only 36 days until I fly away to the great city of Perth in Western Australia. It's so weird to know that the day is coming so soon. As I'm slightly getting to know some of the people who are about to embark on this grand adventure with me, I'm getting both so excited and scared out of my wits. It's the strangest feeling. Just knowing I'm leaving everyone and everything I've ever known for six whole months. Both terrifying and extremely exciting.

I have no idea what this new year will bring. I only have one plan. To get on that plane at the STL airport on January 4, 2012. What an adventure. I love not knowing what's going to happen in my life. I literally have no idea! Hahaha...I've met so many people within the last couple of years that are just totally opposites of me. They hate not knowing, not having a plan. It freaks them out. So much in fact, that they rush into new plans as fast as they possibly can just so they have one "secure thing" to leap onto. I seriously don't understand that at all. When you don't know what's coming, you don't have to worry about it because you don't even know what's coming and you get to be surprised! Why wouldn't you want to be surprised?!?

I just got done reading a book that spoke of Beniah's story. Beniah shows up only a few times in the Bible. He was king David's body guard and got promoted to be the Chief of command during king Solomon's rule. Before he had these great privileges however, he has this now famous story of killing a lion....in a pit...on a snowy day. Do you think Beniah expected this to happen? Umm..my guess is no. Do you think it changed his life forever? I assume so.

You know how when you're getting to know people for the first time, and someone asks everyone to say something about yourself that not many people know? Can you imagine his response? "Well, I mean, I killed a lion one time. In a pit. Oh, and it was snowing too." Or when he went to apply for his job for king David...I bet no one else's resume had quite the exciting ending as Beniah's. My point is, life is great. God can use these crazy fiasco's and "Divine appointments" and completely unexpected opportunities in your life to spice it up a little bit. To change your life forever. We just have to cease the opportunity. Accept the surprise party, even if it's disguised as a huge hairy, toothy beast. Defeat it. Accept it, and see what happens next.

If there is one thing I've learned since graduating High School nearly three years ago, it's that some of the greatest moments and choices in life are unexpected. Freshman year, spring break, I didn't expect to go to IHOP in KC with my old youth group, but I did. And it really did change me and my perspective on life and my relationship with God.

I didn't expect to change my major 5 or more times in three semesters. I didn't expect to hate my ministry classes, I didn't expect to be placed on a Vespers worship team. Most of all though, I didn't expect that I would drop out of college. Even though dropping out of college doesn't sound as terrifying as chasing a lion, it was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. And you know what? Yes it was scary, Yes it was hard, but it was also one of my greatest decisions I've made. To take that leap of faith, to leave what I knew and to step out into the unknown. To dare to let God take control of my life, and do whatever He wanted. Cuz everyone knew I had no clue. And you know what? That was relief! Not knowing was one of the greatest gifts ever.

I think we're called to live a little bit out on the edge. I believe we're all called to be lion chasers. To challenge that status quo. To do something a little crazy. It's just our job to be open to these chances, to recognize them, and to chase them. To let God in and help us do it.

"Lion chasers challenge the status quo. They climb cliffs, move to foreign countries, and build boats in the desert. Lion chasers are often considered crazy, but they are able to do things because they aren't afraid of uncertainty. They don't need to know what's coming next because they know God knows. They don't need explanations for every disappointment because they know God has a plan. Lion chasers refuse to settle down because they want to experience every Divine twist and turn that God has in store for them." -Mark Batterson

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I piled my plate with food, and joined in with all the rest of my American family in a day of pigging out and giving thanks to God for all of His blessings. What a wonderful tradition!

Yesterday, I woke to the sun shining through my window, and the most tasty smells slipping in my nose. What a great way to wake up! I went down stairs to see how things were going with the folks, helped them out a bit and then went to read in my room. Needless to say, I'm kinda becoming a bookworm...so weird.

After piles of family members started to pour in, I made my way down stairs to greet them and wish them the best of Thanksgivings as we all sat around our table to eat. Of course, I'm still at the "kids" table with my cousins, at our mini table that we have most definitely outgrown. After filling our bellies to the brim, naturaly, we went out side to shoot clay. Yes, most families play football....but, we shoot guns. Typical Missouri behavior. Shooting went well I suppose. I haven't even shot a gun in years, but still managed to tear apart those flung clay targets. Even though I only hit about 3...out of 20. HA! My dad did about the same though, and my cousin didn't hit a one. If there was one thing about this little "shoot out" we had told me, it's that I've turned into more of a city girl. What. the. heck. I caught myself not knowing how to load a gun, or how to even shoot it. I could feel my dad's embarrasment radiating off him like the heat from the sun as I forgot how to even turn Off the saftey button. whoops. haha.

Soon enough, after embarassing myself as normal, my family hit the road and we said our goodbyes. I fell into a doze for a couple hours, and awoke to hearing guitars in the distance. I can't hear a guitar and not want to grab my own, so I went up to my room, grabed my lovely Martin, jammed a lil and changed my strings. What beauty it is to have new strings on a guitar. It's like a new voice. Love it. After playing ever so softly as my family drifted to sleep, I talked to my best friend on the phone and soon after joined my family in the wonderful sway of falling into a deep sleep.

I have much to be thankful for. So many increible family members, friends, a house, good health, a full belly, a car, upon many, Many other things. There are too many things to count to be thankful for. I am spoiled beyond imagine. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am here in Missouri. I get so wrapped up in the future: YWAM. Australia. And even though getting so excited to go have this experience is great, I forget to take a step back and enjoy the time I have while I'm here. So for the next 44 days, I want to bask in the glorious riches that the MidWest has to offer. I will sink into the love of my family and friends once more, enjoy time of living with my family, visiting friends, encouraging others, leading worship and letting God take control of my life and prepare my heart for what's to come.

Life is good.

Prayer

If you want a prayer that will change your life, here one is.
"God, in every situation, do whatever it takes to draw me closer to you. Thank You. Amen."

I was challenged a couple weeks ago. I realized that I prayed so many prayers to prevent things. I would pray for a safe trip, for me not to slip up, for me not to get called on to answer a question during class, for a relationship to get better. I have been so scared to mess up, for my life to change drastically. So I would pray for God to protect me from these things. It wasn't until the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, entered my life, that I realized that I was limiting God. I was trying to make Him protect me, when maybe he wants to use these "bad things" to help me grow.I wasn't trusting God. I wasn't letting go.

So, I decided to pray this prayer and mean it. My life got turned upside down.

Like I said before, I felt like I was to end a relationship. I'm not good at letting go. Especially people. It's very difficult for me. But I knew it had to be done. When both I and the other person realized this needed to be done, we ended it on November 1st. That night, I was so confused. I wasn't sure where I was going but I felt like God was telling me to pick up my guitar and worship. So I did. I started singing this prayer once more, and the God gave me a Chorus. Here it is:

Verse:
God, in every situation do whatever it takes to bring me closer to You

Chorus:
I'll take you up on that! You may think that I am breaking your heart, but don't fret, I'm here.
I'm here to wipe away all your tears, to overcome all of your fears. Come find rest in me.
Beloved come.

I was amazed. Such simple lyrics, chords, melodies, but it was from God. It was for me. I was blown away with His love. He mended my broken heart that night. He helped me find rest in Him. He was holding me in His arms that night. He was carrying me through it all..taking care of everything for me.

I continued to pray this prayer randomly and could tell God was working through me. That Thursday night, I was on my way to church. While I was driving, I started to say my usual prayer of protection...then I stopped myself, catching what I was doing, and prayed the above prayer instead. About 5 minutes later my car stopped. It just stopped! In the middle of the road! I just started laughing as I realized that I just prayed for God to do whatever it would take to bring me closer to Him. That night, worship was incredible, even though there were many distractions. I was able to share with a few friends my passion for the Nations like no other time. I even accidentally hit my pastor's wife in the head while I was jumping and wailing my arms with excitement. HA! Whoops.

Now, I'm going on this missions trip. A six month trip. It costs a LOT of money. So when I found out that my car was a gonner, I started to get a little stressed. I can't afford a car. I'm spending all of my money just going over to Australia for this missions trip! But I continued to pray this above prayer, and sing the song that was written days before.

Sunday after church, I got the privilege to talk to the Dean of Evangel University about praying for the Nations..So inspiring. Then, just waiting to talk to me, was Mr. Roger Baston. He said he had a car. And it was mine for the next two months. No strings attached. He just asked to have it back when I go on my missions trip. How incredible!!

Driving home that night I. was. balling... literally. Snot flowing, can't breathe, balling. I was blown away. I couldn't help but realize that if I didn't pray that prayer, my car might have stayed going. If I didn't pray that prayer, I wouldn't have been blessed only days later with a car with even better gas mileage. Maybe if I didn't pray that prayer, I wouldn't have realized exactly how God is a provider. How He will never fail me. Even when I think my world is falling, He comes through and gives me a surprise party, and even throw in new car! 

I could have prayed for protection, and maybe God would have spared me this experience. But I'm so glad I did. He showed His glory. He showed His love. And yes, He did take this situation, and draw me closer to Him. He is good.

This is what my new car Freddy looks like. Only he's a two door:) Love him.

The LORD is my Shepard, I lack nothing.

Alone I am weak.

I can do hardly anything. As exquisite as our human bodies are, we are still so set back. There is only so much we can do. I can only lift so much weight, I can only handle so much stress, I can only do so much. I am a kind of person that can be very shy, timid and quiet. I don't like these things about myself, but most often they are true.

Alone I am poor in faith

Some people think that I have great faith. I do not see this as true. Many times in a day I fail. I fall into disbelief with everything. I have disbelief in my God, in me, in my friends and family.I fall and it is a huge struggle every day to just simply have faith. To have hope.

Alone I am powerless

As human beings, we do have the most authority. We rule the land. We are the kings of this earth. We are on the top of the food chain, we control the animals, the fields, the grass, the water. We in a since are powerful creations. But when I am alone, I am powerless. I am so restricted to what exactly I can do. Like how I am weak, I am powerless. I can't control the wind. I can't control the seas, I can't move mountains. I can do close to nothing alone. By my own power.

The Good News is this:

I am made NEW with the One who is STRONG and MIGHTY

My God is STRONG. And He sees beauty in my weakness.

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12: 9-10 He makes me strong. He uses my weakness to show His glory. How awesome is that?

"Finally, be strong in the LORD and in the strength of His Might" Ephesians 6:10

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

I am made NEW with the One who is RICH WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS

My God is gracious. He builds in me faith. He helps me overcome my disbelief so that I can have faith.

"'If you can'? said Jesus. 'Everything is possible to him who believes.' Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'" Mark 9: 23-24

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge" 2 Peter 1:5

"But God, being rich in mercy, beacuse of the gret love with which he loved us, even when we wre dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved" Ephesians 2: 4-5

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those wh love him and keep his commandments, to a thusand generations" Deuteronomy 7:9

"But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and aounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15  

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7

I am made NEW with the One who is ALL POWERFUL

He is Powerful. He created everything. The heavens and the earth cannot even contain Him. He controls everything. I directs the winds, tells the seas where to lay, and directs the trees and plants. He is everything. The great "I Am". Even in His Name there is power!

"For he was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God." 2 Corinthians 13:4

"the Lord your God is with you, He is Mighty to save..He takes great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

"But Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible'." Mathew 19:26

Alone I am weak, poor in faith, and I am powerless. But I am made new with the One who is Strong and Mighty, rich with Love and Kindness, and who is all powerful. It's in Him that I find rest. It's in Him that I'm made whole.

"It is about the greatness of God, not the significance of man. God made man small and the universe big to say something about himself."

John Piper



Inspired

This past week has been exhausting, challenging and one of the greatest of my life. Last Friday, I went to go see my best friend's play in Rolla, MO. It was beautiful, hilarious and just absolutely wonderful. I saw her act for the first time and it filled me with great joy. After the play, and on into the weekend, we met with some of her friends that inspired me. They are filled with love for the LORD and knowledge of His Word. I was so impressed as conversations went on and we'd end up studying the Word and just be amazed at what God says.

After a few days of chilling with my bestie and meeting these grand new folks, Katie and I set off a great adventure. We were going back to Greenville College. The college that held many great and most recently, horrible memories. The college we dropped out of only months before. But we had a mission. We had a vision. We wanted to share what God was doing in our lives. We wanted to share our growing passion for the Nations. Although we had no idea why Greenville College of all places, was the place we wanted to share these things with the most.

Needless to say, the whole two days we were there, were some of the most successful, rewarding and physically exhausting days of my life. God completely covered everything and amazed us. He made ways for us to speak in front of classes, talk to and give books to many people that have been on our hearts for the past few weeks. It was incredible. It seemed like everyone we talked to, needed to hear what we had to say, needed to hear our stories. They needed the encouragement, the prayers. It was so good and refreshing. It was so inspiring. I don't know if I've ever felt like I've been used by God like that before. I was doing ministry. I was doing things I was passionate about. I was loving it. Every moment of it.

On my way home, riding in my Freddy, I was amazed. I couldn't believe the past five days. I couldn't believe the people He chose to put in my life that inspired me. I couldn't believe what He did through Katie and I in Greenville. All I could do was sing praises. I sang for about an hour straight...it was GREAT. And then, God just seemed to have put little pieces to a puzzle in my mind. Things that He has been piece by piece, putting ideas in my head, He started adding to them, started growing my passions, and my visions. I don't really know how to explain it, I'll just say it was inspiring. God is inspiring.

I still feel like I'm in a daze (maybe from lack of sleep) but I just feel like I have so much to think about! So many thoughts and ideas rushing through my brain. It's crazy. I don't really have a conclusion. I still am a little confused and boggled of what happened this past week. All I can say is I can't wait to see what God is going to do. We serve a good God.

Above All

I've been reading through 1 Samuel the past couple of days and I am falling in love with the story of David. I've been wanting to just study his life for awhile now, as it has always sparked an interest in me. Who wouldn't want to know more about "A man after God's own heart"?

What has captured my attention however, are far different things than what I have expected. Hannah for instance- she kept asking for a child, more specifically sons. Her husband Elkanah's other wife, her rival, kept "provoking her in order to irritate her" Scripture says because she has not yet born children. She tormented her even until she wept, and what amazed me was what it says in 1 Samuel 1:8 "Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" Later on, Hannah prayed with all of her heart for a son, and even promised God that if He did give her a son, she would return him to Him. Later on, Hannah did have a son, and kept her promise saying "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." (1 Samuel 1:27-28)

Hannah named her son Samuel, and he became a great prophet. At Samuel's old age, he appointed his sons as judges over Israel. This didn't work however, and Israel asked for a king. This troubled him, so he sought the LORD. The LORD said, "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected Me as their King. As they have done from the day I brought them out of Egypt until this day, forsaking Me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you. Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do." (1 Samuel 8:7-9)

Samuel told all of Israel what the LORD told him it would be like if they did have a king, and they did not listen. So he anointed Saul, and Saul became king, and failed them miserably disobeying God's commands.

I feel like I can relate to the Israelites here. Last spring, I wanted someone to be with. I wanted a friend, a deep relationship, anything. I just got back from going to college for two years. I was used to being around great friends all the time. Once I got home though, I had no one my age. I believe God really wanted to fill this void in my life. He wanted to become my best friend. He wanted to become my lover. But I begged and begged for someone, anyone to come into my life so that I wouldn't be alone anymore..as if God wasn't enough.

A few months later, He gave me people to hang out with. Then I realized that I stopped focusing on God. I started putting my earthly relationships way before Him. I lost my peace, I didn't feel His presence. I was rebelling. Like how God wanted to be the king over Israel, to lead them, to fight their battles for them, so did he want to be my lover, my best friend. He wants to laugh, and sing, and dance with me. I just didn't let Him in.

After much prayer and brutal awakenings, I decided I needed to dispose of the things that were hindering my relationship with God. It was possibly one of the best decisions ever. Like how Hannah's husband was saying to her, "am I not more than ten sons?" I feel like that's kinda what God has been saying to me for the past few years. "Am I not more than enough for you? I AM LOVE!! And you're looking for some unperfected being to love you? HA!" I can just hear Him laughing at me and shaking His head.

Once the relationship ended however, I completely broke down my walls. Every day, I grow closer and closer. I can feel Him drawing me in. I can feel Him fixing me to be the person He created me to be. I told Him I wanted Him to be my everything. I wanted to make Jesus my groom. For Him to fill me up until I'm overflowing. For Him to by my comforter, my provider, my best friend, the one I long to spend time with, Him to be the one I'm obsessed with. Little by little, as I'm letting go, He's answering. He is providing for me, He is loving me, I find myself spending more and more time with Him and absolutely LOVING IT. I see Him working miracles in my life, and completely astounding me with His love and kindness.

He is literally changing the way I think about just about everything. Things that I thought were important, He's breaking down. He's providing absolutely everything from emotional things, to financial things, and I am so blown away that He is doing this for me. Because He loves me! How great is that that the Creator of the universe loves ME? This is crazy! How could I possibly want more, when He is above all.

The Lord our God is more than enough. He wants to be our leader, He wants to satisfy us. He wants us to give everything to Him. Not only so that we can be successful, but so that He will receive glory.

God, help me put You above all. Help me to be completely obsessed and satisfied with You alone. Do whatever it takes to draw me closer to You. In every situation, in every circumstance, in every relationship, I want You to be glorified. I want to crave You. Help me to believe, and help me overcome my disbelief. Thank You for all that You are and all that You've done. I Praise You. In Jesus Name, Amen.